Category: Film Reviews

Suspiria. It’s a name that rolls off the tongue, dripping with sibilance, serpentine. It’s eerie, and it’s strange. It’s a perfect title for a film such as this.

I had a lot of anticipation for this film, having heard a lot about it, knowing that it would be something that I’d never experienced before. It was going to be this mysterious, scary, shocking thing. I knew roughly what it was about and that it was considered essential viewing, but it was impossible to be prepared for what I’d actually see.

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Going into The Wrong Missy, I thought I would hate it. And I did! The Wrong Missy, how do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways…

First of all, there’s the plot. Regular Dude™ Tim (David Spade) goes on a blind date with Missy (Lauren Lapkus), possibly the worst person who has ever existed in the history of the world. Within approximately three seconds he realises it’s a bad idea and tries to escape the date. Also within approximately three seconds I realised this movie was a bad idea and I wanted to escape.

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Marriage Story is, despite the name, a film not actually all that much about marriage. It’s a film about two people who were married, but now very much want that marriage to be over. A more apt title for the film would be Divorce Story, but that doesn’t seem like a very appealing film to watch.

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The Fly II is an abjectly disgusting movie. I am writing this whilst eating my breakfast and I instantly regret doing that, because I’m having to remember everything I found gross about the film and still try and stomach my cereal. The Fly II is a film that you should watch only after you have squared away your evening meal a few hours prior.

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This week we will be continuing with my theme of “Gossip Girl stars appearing in mediocre-at-best films” and focusing on another lukewarm effort produced during the show’s heyday – The Roommate.

Now, let’s make one thing clear straight off the bat: 90% of The Roommate is not good. Like, really not good. I’ve seen it twice, actually, and the first time I watched it was with friends in around 2013 and we tore it to shreds. The second time I watched it was for this review because I wanted to see if my original impression of the film held up and it did. So, I repeat my statement: 90% of this film is not good.

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Ok, before we begin, I am going to preface this review with some complete honesty – the only reason I watched The Stepfather was because I saw the preview on Netflix had Dan Humphrey from Gossip Girl in it, and he looked like he would rather be anywhere else in the entire world (except maybe on Gossip Girl again). And so I thought to myself: “yep, this is going to be terrible” and “yep, I have to watch this.”

Continue reading “Should You Watch The Stepfather (2009)?” →

The Fly is a sci-fi body horror film directed by one of the masters of the body horror genre, David Cronenberg, and released in 1986. It is a remake of the 1958 film, although this version really dials the grotesqueness of the protagonist’s transformation into the fly-human hybrid up to one hundred and eleven.

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When I set out to write this review, I thought I was watching Red Dragon for the first time. Turns out I have seen it before, but completely forgotten about it. That point is key: this film has little about it that makes it memorable.

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Films based on Stephen King movies are like gemstones. Some of them, like The Shawshank Redemption or The Shining, are diamonds; flawless jewels that stand the test of time and are eternally beautiful. Some of them, like Christine or Secret Window, are flawed gems but nonetheless contain value. And then there’s fare like Maximum Overdrive, which aren’t gems at all – instead, just circular hunks of blue plastic shoddily attached to a child’s costume necklace, masquerading as something of worth. Look, what I’m getting at with this overblown metaphor is that not all King films are equal, and unfortunately 1922 is that middle option, a flawed gem, a film that is middling at best.

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